Revenge of the H-Bombs

The summer before 4^th grade I was living the life of any normal 9 year old girl. Playing with Barbies, watching cartoons, riding my bike and running around outside until the sun went down. Shortly before I was to enter the 4^th grade my mom says to me “I think we need to get you a bra.” “What do you mean a bra?!?!? I’m only 9! I still play with Barbies!”  I was so embarrassed!  So began the making of what I now refer to as “The H-Bombs”. I’m pretty sure I skipped the training bra and went straight to a big girl bra. By the time I was in middle school I was wearing a C cup. You can only imagine how awkward this was for a pre-teen. Horny little boys would “accidently’ bump into me and all the other girls looked normal with their little boobies. In high school I was up to a D cup and pretty much stayed there all throughout. By college, and for most of my 20’s I was a DD. By the time I got pregnant I was a DDD and 2 weeks before I gave birth I measured at a G. Seriously, can these watermelons attached to my chest get any bigger?!?!?!

 I’ve always been pretty self conscious of my boobs but one would never know it. I make jokes about them, I laugh when others make jokes, I don’t hide them behind bulky sweaters, though I don’t flaunt them either. I can’t even tell you how many times I would meet somebody, usually a Male, and they would make eye contact with my chest instead of my eyes! Downright insulting! I never considered getting a breast reduction in my 20’s because I figured I would walk into the doctor’s office and the surgeon would say, “Go home, lose some weight, then come back and see me.” I was just too self conscious about my body. So many women would say, “You’re so lucky.” Thank you for the compliment but no offense, I am not lucky. I don’t really know how back aches, saggy boobs, wearing ugly bras (because the selection of cute bras with full coverage and support for big boobs is non-existent), and wardrobe issues makes me lucky. Oh and I forgot to mention the fact that I have to spend anywhere from $50-$80 on a single bra.

When I started losing weight 2.5 years ago, my boobs SLOWLY started getting smaller. Down went the numbers, 44…40…38…36, etc. However the cup size, well that hasn’t really budged too much.  I am now a 32 H, that’s right an H! They literally are H-Bombs!  So what I have on my hands ladies and gentlemen, is not big boobs because I was overweight all my life, but big boobs because that’s just how I was made. They still get in the way, especially now that exercise has become a big part of my life. Finding a good sports bar is just pure torture, and running, forget about it! I’m just lucky I don’t give myself a black eye when I do jumping jacks! My back aches haven’t gotten any better, almost worse now that I don’t have a thick waist to help support my chest. So now the question is do I get a reduction? My husband says “It’s like slapping God in the face”, that’s his way of trying to tell me “Don’t take my toys away!”  I’m extremely terrified to go under and have surgery performed so we’ll see what I end up doing.  I won’t be making any decisions on that until after we are done having kids. In the meantime, I’ll still hang on to the hope that my H-Bombs will explode and reduce their size with the last 12 lbs that I would like to lose.

FITNESS TIP: According to the American Council on Exercise, The Bicycle is the most effective abs exercise you can do. It helps target the “six pack” and “waist” area.

1. Lie face up on your mat and place your hands behind your head, lightly supporting it with your fingers.
2. Bring the knees in to the chest and lift the shoulder blades off the floor without pulling on the neck.
3. Rotate to the left, bringing the right elbow towards the left knee as you straighten the other leg.
4. Switch sides, bringing the left elbow towards the right knee.
5. Continue alternating sides in a 'pedaling' motion for 1-3 sets of 12-16 reps.